Every time..

  Evaluations...assessment's...paperwork..


  Every time an evaluation or assessment is done I cry.  I just got out of a 2 hour long assessment.  Every single question she asked me I replied "NO".  2 hours long of questions of "if" my son does "this".  And my answer was "NO".  To the sweet lady, our case worker to help us get more services from the Developmental Disability Assistance, YOU ARE SO KIND.  Kind because you don't know in depth or kind because you do and are so helpful?  Either way I am so grateful for her help.  I know these questions must be asked and I know that she doesn't have to be so kind and sweet about each one.  She was :).  I want help yes, but I also want to scream and tell her all the things he CAN do and how much FUN he is.  And even though on paper your telling me I provide every single moment of care for him I DON'T CARE.  I LOVE IT AND HATE IT.  Hate because I wish he could do these things.  I also wish I could tell her how far he has come.  How he used to walk around crying and screaming ALL NIGHT LONG.  And now he says little words.  The assessment scared me.  What if I am still doing this same assessment when he's 16??  How would I hid the things like I do sometimes now.  He's small people could figure he's even younger, but not when he's 16!  These times come very few.  Not often I get off task and the plan and get caught up in negative thoughts.  I think it's a process.  Little break down after this very nice lady left. 


  On to very good positive thoughts.  My sweet Slater just turned 1.  He is my sweet boy.  I often catch myself waiting for a sign of something wrong.  Dallas started to show signs around this time.  I rest assure because he is so different.  And I am not going to waste this worry less time with him.  He loves his daddy.  He's close to furniture walking, and then we are in trouble.  Reese is still miss attitude.  She is too smart for her own good.  I can not wait to see how she does in school.  She wants to go sooo bad.   Her hair is so long and pretty again.  She lets me braid it sometimes.  I look back on her baby pictures and wish I hadn't of worked that 1st year of her life.  Stayed home and got the one on one time with her.  My goal for the next two months before she starts school
1. Play barbies with her twice a week
2. Do her nails (even though she picks them off) once a week
3. Take her for a mom/daughter date twice a month
4. Get new board games to play
5. Camp with her in the back yard


SO just a few things I want to do with her.

Husband and I are heading up to a cabin for a night ALONE.  Can't believe it.  Def looking forward to it ::))