Today I've been cleaning, bathing the kids and making lists for stuff I need for Reese's party and gifts when for some reason I just stopped sat down an had a pretty weird feeling in my gut. I liked at the date and I don't know why I mean obviously tomorrow is the 22nd Reese's bday. Then I knew why I didn't feel god, this time last year was the very last time I saw my dad alive. It was Reese birthday party we had in hermiston the last time I saw him. The weekend he past away he had planned to come to Portland to visit, but that terrible call from my sister that Friday changed that. I feel selfish by saying why me? So many people go through this, but I can't help it. Why am do I have to live the rest of my life which for a good part of it should still have both my parents around?! Worse....why do my kids never get the chance to know their grandfather? It's an overwhelming feeling knowing how much has already happened without him here..and worse how much will happen without him here. I thought to myself why?? I feel for all my family members an my mom. And the worse part of losing my dad?? If he had better medical attention rather an Good Shepard Medical sit him on a bed for house upon hours with no medical attention when he had clear signs of an infection, and there is a hospital protocol to follow with the symptoms he had. They didn't, and once at kadlec the infection was gone the next morning but it was too late. Time was a precious matter for the sake of life and death. That's what makes things like this worse. That little thought what if? In my eyes after reviewing medical records and researching his diagnosis..yes he could be here with us now. These things aren't supposed to happen right? I mean hospitals are professional and there for help right? Wrong in this case at least... I mean a real hospitals ambulance doesn't get lost during a transport? Even when the EMT was doing the best he could to help, the driver spends time going down back streets because she's lost having to make an emergency stop at another hospital other than the one they are supposed to go to. So many disturbing things happened with that medical facility. Apparently they also allow their staff to leak medical record information?! Pretty sure that's a law. All this BS makes losing a loved one so much worse its sickening, leaving our poor family feeling guilt for even taking him there. No I don't know the outcome of what would of happened if he had the proper medical attention from the very second he went there, but who likes to have to wonder for the rest of their lives?! If you love your family..please don't ever take them there for a serious matter.
Besides this wondering thought that fills my head constantly, I have ran out of things to say how I am feeling. It's all an understatement anyways...I wish I could have seen him that night in the hospital before tragedy struck. But if Reese's birthday has to be my last memory of him in person, then I am happy with that. He loved her so much, and she loved his attention it was a great party. I remember exactly what my dad told me that day about Reese at the party. He said " Wow, can you imagine how spoiled she's going to be? Look how many people are here, I've never seen this at a babies party. She's going to be so special." He took some pictures of her while she ate her first slice of cake, I will have to find them they are on my mom a camera I believe.
Here are a few pics of our sweet baby Reese and of my dad too. I wish he was here to attend her party this year.
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