New Years!

  It's New Years EVE! Another year is about to approach and I can't say 2014 has been terrible. Yes I hope 2015 is better of course. BUT in 2014 we had some awesome memories and good times :). Some of the greatest of all was getting moved (because I hate the whole process) to tri cities and settled. My husband took me while 20 weeks prego to see Britney Spears in Vegas! We had A BABY..sweet Slater came into this world at 4:30pm on July 3rd 2014! He has added so much to this family. My sweet boy Dallas got his glasses and changed his life (he has bad bad vision). My husband and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. My sister celebrated her 1st wedding anniversary. I look back on this year and I feel good about the great times. Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas were so fun with the kids. Those are just a few of the bigger milestones but I can recall even the sweetest little ones. Tonight we will watch movies and New Year specials on TV, do some games puzzles with Reese and just enjoy it. Jason doesn't work tomorrow :)

  Besides a cake that I will be working on and finishing this weekend, I have some research to do.  I will be starting Dallas on a Gluten/Casein free diet this next week. I only know so far, the basics and really need to know all info regarding at least the firs 2 weeks of the diet.  This is not going to be easy. There is a reason for him going on this diet, and you have to stay %100 true to it. NO slip ups. So with that it will be very hard at first. He can't just accidently grab something and eat it. Once I get this down and get going with it next week I am very anxious to see the possible results. It would be so worth it if we see the results that are possible. It's worth trying at the very least. And Jason and I eat a lot of Gluten free already. I haven't shared the struggles we have gone through in the last 4 months with Dallas. And I probably won't for a while. It has not been easy, in fact this has been the hardest thing I have gone through. Time has only helped me deal with the struggles, but yet we can't direct our path yet because we still have a couple more doctors to see. One thing..he is a 2 year old normal little boy. He's shy at times, mean at times, emotional, spoiled, energetic and smart.  And he has been learning and improving with everything. It's been a roller coaster. We want what is the very best for him, with that is why we need to at least try this diet. He is so amazing..Dallas stole my heart from day 1. I look back on everything with him.  Trying to figure things out...did I fail him somewhere? I haven't been able to nail that down..but what I know is..he is Dallas! And I love him for being exactly who he is. I believe being a good mom is pouring everything you have into your children in every single way. That means during their struggles..for life. Not just during certain times in their lives. I believe now more than ever I found exactly what I am supposed to do in this world.  I have kind of been this hidden person for the last few months. Kind of but not..you see when I have a conversation with someone who is telling me how busy they are or what they are going through..I often reflect and compare. And the compare part is not meant in a bad way.  I listen and know that it probably is a real struggle to them of course. And then I realize how much I do...in a busy week I will take Dallas to therapy 2 times a week with possibly another doctors apt for him or reese/slater.. And in those therapy sessions be a student. I really have to just sit and be educated of what's going on and what we need to do. I'm not going to lie its draining..emotionally and physically. He has good sessions and bad. I take care of the kids all day, it's cold so we try to do lots of others stuff besides watch tv. Making sure dallas has his glasses on all day, trying to get sign language or even possible words out of him for everything. Even if it means a fit because I can't give him something until I see some effort from him. Doing actives to help his motor skills (all in play form). Reese joins in on all because they like to do things together. And a lot of the time she can help and it makes her feel good too. Check and respond to cake quotes/ messages. Call to check up on all doctor appointments/ paperwork ( its a constant thing I have to do). Evaluations for him! Try to get Dallas to try new foods in play form or actually tasting in his mouth. Dinner's..baths..family time and oh all the daily care for all 3 kids :). I usually fit in while they nap (attempt to) some cake things like making fondant or baking. But on the weekends I spend my evenings after they are in bed doing all the cake stuff. I typically wake at about 4-4:30 to finish before they wake. Ehhh pretty sure I left a bunch out but I think for so long I was fighting the true fact that it is hard. A couple weeks ago Dallas and I went for another evaluation and then I had a one on one meeting with the early learning center a week later. In this meeting we went over things and discussed goals and such for Dallas. While at the meeting I was expecting it to be just very direct like most doctor appointment's. Until..I was explaining some goals and things..and she stopped and said "Jessica..can I give you a hug (with tears in her eyes)?" I of course was fighting them in mine and I knew they could both see it. She said "You are doing an amazing job...since Dallas left last week everyone has talked about how cute and how on track you are about your son. We are here to help and I know this is hard..call me anytime. You and your son have touched my heart."  I just hugged her and was in total shock really. The compassion of just someone finally accepting HOW hard this really is and telling me it IS hard and that's OK. I knew I was in the very best place for Dallas. These people are just awesome, they care and are here for the right reasons. The other lady walked me to my car and told me "you know sometimes us as parents do not know what to do in situations likes this. And it's ok you don't know everything about everything involved. We move on and do what is best and what we can to help our children.  Do not be hard on yourself..please. Because you are the type of parent we love to see. Who helps us help them and the one in need."  She too gave me her phone number. I just was so grateful, and shocked. I was so so shocked that these people cared so much. We start at this facility next week and I am happy about it. 


 I am trying just dang near everything to help Dallas :) and that's not just for this instance. That's for his life. Just as I am for Reese and Slater. No I am not perfect but I am real and I have such good intentions.  Reese has been a good help.  I will ask her if she can do certain play activities with Dallas and most the time she is happy to help.  So this New Year if anything I have a great amount of HOPE.  Jason is so helpful with all this. He has taken Dallas to the therapies as well. But often times its best to be consistent with the same parent involved.  Dallas is lucky to have a dad who has the mind set of whatever it takes, whatever he needs. We are all lucky to have eachother :)